Shelby (whycantidream) wrote,

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Pass me by.

I wish I was a girl with confidence, a girl with willpower. I wish I could wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and go to school, ready to learn.

But I'm not.

I got rejcted from Illinois State. My second rejection thus far. This just proves even more of how much a loser I am.

I just can't stand to be the person that I've become. I thought that I could turn my act around senior year. I thought that I'd stop caring about what others thought about me. That I could eat a cheesburger and fries and not care about what it was doing to my body. But it's still the same. I'm still the same girl. I still feel afraid to speak my mind in class, still feel disgusted when I pass a mirror or take a bite of food. I don't think I ever will truly be happy with my life and that's what scares me. I'm not trying to look for pity, I just can't stand the way I live my life. Whenever I try to change I keep running back to the way I used to be. I hurt John more than I end up helping him, and he deserved way better. Nobody should have to go through what I go through. It's very tiring trying to skip meals and trying to go through the day with a smile on my face. I'm sorry that I'm so negative, but I just can't help it. It's just so overwhelming.
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